Sami Rigelsky
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Everything is Different These Days

Everything is different these days. 

Sometimes baths are taken outside in a wash bin by the well. Our laundry hangs to dry, and never really smells summer fresh. It's crunchy from dust and the sun beats it down. It seems to fade and wear so easily. It usually has a faint smell that is reminiscent of our neighbor's trash burning pile. There are moments where I feel a bit like our sun faded, not so fresh laundry. I know that I will make it through another wash and another hang dry, but I also feel the inevitable damage from the beating sun and the smoke inhalation. Thankfully the moments seem to be fleeting, but they are moments nonetheless. 

Our kids are running around our concrete paver and gravel yard, almost like hamsters in a wheel that never changes course. Stir crazy is a word that I didn't know the depths of until we moved behind barbed-wire & concrete walls. The little things that never bothered us before about our loved ones are seemingly glaring now. And while glaring is how we feel about the sin and quirks in each other, unseen is how I feel about our family many times. 

 The lonely and aching moments lie to you. They accuse you and they accuse others to you. Just like satan (I made him lowercase on purpose-he's lower than life crap scum) did in the Garden. He uses the brutal moments to try to convince you to throw in the towel on the beautiful things that God is doing. He tells you that things won't change, you won't make an impact. You're too broken and too weak. You're failing and you're a failure. He throws arrows at your best laid intentions, and he stabs at your back as you try to run to Jesus. 

But then you get these glimpses of light peeking in & you're able to see through the smoke. You're reminded that there is no high so high that God cannot meet you there still, and there is no valley so low He cannot rescue you out from the center of it. You might be lonely and hurting like hell in the process, but He is there and He has proven Himself faithful.

This place is brutal and it's lonely. It strips you down to the rawest form of who you are, who your people are.....and yet, the thought of leaving it to go back to our first normal someday...there aren't words for those thoughts. We are ruined for "normal". 

Everything is different these days. 

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